"Well" said the Personal Trainer, "You are in the Obese Range"

First and foremost, I wish to apologize for my delay in keeping everyone updated on what has been going on. I will get to specifics in a moment, however, let's just say unemployment has been getting to me. To the point of pretty much no motivation to do anything. I NEED STRUCTURE!

Okay, here we go! Approximately 4 weeks ago I joined a gym. I did not want to. I new I needed to. So, I found the gym that was closest to my house and went for a tour. The tour was nice, and by the end of it I just signed right on up for a contract. In fact, not that bad, pretty cheap and has all the machines and weights that I need to get my bod back into desirable form. One of the fantastic perks of signing up was that they give you 1 free personal training and consultation session with one of the personal trainers that they have on staff there. Alright, that sounded good, however I swore I would not let them poke, prod, and pinch my fat to diagnose my body fat percentage. I refuse to let people pinch me to prove that I got a few to lose. I think I might already know that, hence the signing up with the gym in the first place..oh, and yeah, healthy living la de da de da....whatever.

So, I schedule my first meeting with her at 7 a.m. the next morning, which I promptly and purposefully slept through, calling back later telling her "I forgot...sorry." We rescheduled for the next day at a time that I would actually show up. I meet with her, she takes me on a little tour again, sits down and discusses what my goals are for working out and the whole sha-bang.

Then, we get to the "Let's take your body fat" statement, which I assertively told her "hell no, I know I am overweight and need to lose some of the fat." Which she replied with, "Oh, you do, how do you know that? You should really do this because it is a great way to track progress." Being a therapist, I understand that tracking progress significantly increases your likelihood of continuing with any behavior change. So, I said "Maybe. Um, do you have to pinch my fat and make me feel like a fat heifer without the actual young female cow parts?" She responded with a "No, we use this little fat calculating machine that will run some sort of energy wave through your fat and it will spit out your percentage." I agreed.

Now let me tell you that I wasn't necessarily prepared for what came out of her mouth, however I will have to say it was the most effective sales pitch I have ever heard from ANYONE.

"Well, Ryan. You are at XX% and that is in the OBESE Range." Kristi the perfect bodied PT said.



I sat there stunned, my face turning all sorts of red, pink, and rose colors, feeling the intense shame that I always felt growing up when I would look at people who were skinnier and more fit that I. A part of me wanted to reach across the little round table, grab her clipboard and that fat calculating machine and beat her to a pulp, wrap her up in a fat suit, and send her on her way.

I thought to myself, "well, I know that I have a few extra pounds, but I didn't know that I was like on the verge of being housebound to my recliner, mold growing in my folds, and people refusing to visit b/c of the stench of my house, and praying I would just die, but before I die five more Big Mac's please." OMG, WTF. Instead, I said....

"Well, Kristi, sign me up for 10 personal training sessions. When can we start?"

I wholeheartedly went into that session, after being prepped by Sean, to not sign up for anything, buy anything, or spend any money. In that one little sentence, the damn club got me for another $450. While I am unemployed to boot. Afterward, I thought about how she could have used a more Motivational Interviewing approach to deliver that message of my fattyness and obescity and get me to come up with my own personal reasons to finally get back into the gym and get rid of my spare tire and fit back into all my expensive jeans. But, I realized something that day. NO ONE LIKES TO BE CALLED OBESE. And, when all is said and done, that one sentence made up for me having to struggle with my own motivation, because now I was OBESE. I did not want that lable. All I can say is that I am putting that in my back pocket when I can use it on someone else. Someone asks me if they look fat in a pair of pants, I will respond, "No, you look OBESE. Now honey just get your fat ass to the gym and stop asking obvious questions."

Needless to say, I have been the gym 4 times a week, see muscle tone in my legs again, and feel "a little" better about things. I am getting more motivated and now feel guilty if I don't go, but not the kind of guilt that prevents me from doing anything. An actual useful guilt that motivates me to action. FINALLY, I have guilt that is functional. I used to living with lots of it. I was beaten down with Catholicism growing up, and I'm queer. They go hand in hand...Catholics, queer, and guilt.

One problem, though, I started going to the gym, so I thought I should bring out an old friend...Salem Lights are Back! I hope to let her go someday. But, really, she is my only friend that never has told me I am obese, nor asks anything of me. A match made in cancerous heaven.